i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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