ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He shit in the fireplace
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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