Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
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He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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