Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
