Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found your dick twin last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
