I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
