Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
