yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
