Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We're too hungover to prance.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
