Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize