So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
