Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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