you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
