I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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