Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm always down for nudity.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
