I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
