Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
