she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were trust falling into bushes
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