just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
