Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
