Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
