how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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