The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
