Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
