my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
