wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We need a shit load of segways right now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
