i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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