it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
