This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
