I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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