WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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