Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
