I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
