I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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