First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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