Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
