its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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