oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
