My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
