my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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