maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize