I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
