so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
