Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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