I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
