I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
