I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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