Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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