All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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