I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
