Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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