So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
