The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
