just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
