So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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