i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
