I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
