Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
