this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
