So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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