You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
