Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
