my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
