If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
