Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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