I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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