Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
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I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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