Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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