dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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