I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
