dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
